I am a Type A person. No, scratch that. I am a Type Triple A person. I vacuum my house everyday. I have to finish every. single. task on my daily "To Do" Post It notes every. single. day. I arrive everywhere 10 minutes early. Letting go of control is fucking hard - there's other way to put it.
Recently, I found this podcast by The Mel Robbins Podcast. BTW - if you don't listen to Mel Robbins, start listening. She is the BEST. The "Let Them Theory": A Life Changing Mindset Hack That 15 Million People Can't Stop Talking About is a must listen.
Your friend bailed on your Thursday morning walk? Let them. The table you reserved three months ago for your birthday at your favorite restaurant isn't ready yet? Let them. You didn't get your *well deserved* end-of-year bonus from your company? Let them. You didn't get invited to the NYE party? Let them. Your boyfriend cheated on you? Let them.
The bottom line is that you can't change people. People change because THEY want to, not because you want them to change and are forcing them to change. When I *attempt* to practice this mindset shit, I essentially let go of the expectations and resentment that comes with a reaction to other people's actions. Life is short. Like so short. It is such a waste to spend it trying to control other people and change them. With this mindset hack, you gain a sense of peace and an true control. How? By understanding that you can only control what you say, how you act, and your reactions to actions.
I think it is important to note that the "Let Them Theory" doesn't erase your hurt feelings. Two things can be true at once - you can feel the hurt that someone caused you and also understand that it is not your fault and there is nothing you can do to change them. Their behavior is a reflection of them, not a reflection of you. It's like that phrase - it says more about the person who talks shit than the person who is being shit talked. Separating their actions from your reaction is the ultimate practice of detachment and managing expectations.
All of this said, letting them is difficult. In the moment, things seem elevated, heated, and impossibly important. Your emotions get the best of you. I know this to be true for me...just ask my brother who also doubles as my roommate. One trick that I learned from my yoga teacher (shoutout to Grayce Yoga in downtown Charleston) is "I, Am" breaths. When you breath in, you say I, and when you breath out, you say Am. It grounds you in the present which hopefully allows you to practice the "Let Them Theory".
My word of 2024 is release. I plan to use the "Let Them Theory" to embrace the release of expectations, pressure, and control. What is your word for 2024?